I knew all Along
by Jimboma
Summary: Rachel reminisce on how she got to where she is today,on a certain girl that change her life. More importantly,she remembers how they try to defy faith and destiny. She knew all along what they were doing, she knew of the consequences, but she didn't care


**My family is singing karaoke REALLY loud and they are HORRIBLE singers. I had this in my head for a while but was too lazy to write it, now that i've decide to put it to words, my family decide to do this. I'm half typing and half trying to block out their voices and their screaming. **

**This is Unbeta so i'm sooo soryy for HORRIBLE grammar. i'm not a native eng speaker also, so it's ever worst haha. In my head, it was better, but this is the best i can do with the extreme noise. if i dont write it now, i may never motivate myself to ever again, and this idea of the story will forever haunt me.**

**Also, i know i got the Emmy's time line wrong, but for the sake of this, just go along with it plz. **

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><p><strong>I Knew All Along<strong>

I did it. I finally won an Oscar award. My dream of getting an EGOT finally came through.

I should be happy. This is my dream. I should be happy. At the age of 20, I've already achieve what takes people years. My name is on every billboard in New York City. It's under shining light every night. Everyone knows who Rachel Berry is. They pay me millions just for me to be in their commercial for no more than 15 seconds. I've became the top Broadway star. I should be happy.

But I'm not.

I wanted this moment share with my love. I want to feel her touch, her gentle whisper telling me how proud she is of me. I wonder if she can see me now. Would she be proud? Would she care? I want to think she does. I want to believe she stills follow me, still encouraging me to never give up. I want to believe.

But I can't.

We've been dating since the end of 10th grade, May 18, 2009. When she had no where to go, we, my family and I, took her in. She came to live with me. We bonded. We became friends. We laugh and cry together. I would waked up at midnight and run to the local 7/11 to buy her wherever she was carving. I would abandon my vegan code to cook meet for her. I came close to giving up my dream of attending Julliard for her. I choose her above all else.

On our first year anniversary, she told me, "Through the wind and the stormiest weather, we'll be one forever."

I believed her then. Even now, I still try to believe. I still hold on to the feeling she gave me. It's the only way I can survive in this world.

The music industry is harsh. We befriend each other only to backstab one another. They tell me I wear my heart on my sleeves, and that's true. I'm too naïve to survive in this industry. I wanted to gave up, but she told me to hold on. She believed in me. She told me, "I love you, don't give up." And I didn't. I suck up my fears and uncertainty and continue on for her. I didn't want to disappoint her.

We left high school together – hand in hand. They look as us with disgust, except for the glee club. They all condemn us for sinning. We didn't care, we had each other and that's all that matter.

She fear what people would think of her, but we got through it all. We overcame so much. When graduation came, we left to New York together. My future revolves around her. I change my thank you speech that I've been writing since I was 10 to include her. It was all for her. It was all for me too.

On our 3rd year anniversary, May 18, 2011, she brought me a star necklace with "QLF 3 RBB" engrave in it. That day, I gave her my soul. We made love that night. It wasn't sex, or fucking, no, it was love making. We became one with each other.

On our 4th year, May 18, 2012, I got nominated for my first Emmy. The award ceremony took place on June 12, 1012. I won my first major award that day. IN my thank you speech, I thank her first and last. I announce my love for her. That night, she told me she got a full ride to Harvard Law School.

We made love again that night.

On September 29, 2012, she told me she can't do this anymore. We cried. I begged her, asking her what I did wrong, asking her how I can fix this. She stood there, her eyes looking straight at me, but I can't see the girl I love. I only see the head cheerleader.

"We can't do this anymore." She repeats then promptly walk out the front door. The door close with a bang. The door stood there, strong and tall, separating two lovers from each other. And not one was strong enough to tear it down.

I head to our bedroom that night. She took all her belonging except a picture of us together. She left that back, but she puts it face down. I didn't know what that's supposed to mean. I cry. I snuggle onto her bed; her scent is still there. I cry harder.

On September 29, 2013, I finally got the courage to pack my stuff and move into a different place. That day, I promise myself I would move on. I tried dating here and there but with my career, it's hard.

I gave up.

Today is February 26, 1014. About a month before the year and a half anniversary of life without her.

I wonder where she is. I wonder how she's doing. Is she happy? Did she ever thought about me? Does she have someone else now?

I was brought out of my brooding when my assistant calls for me. I have a major after party to attend. I don't know why it's call a party when we only go to get our name out there in hopes of getting some new gig. It's not a party. It's a business.

"Coming," I answer her before getting up with the award in hand.

I knew all along. I guess I just wanted to live in my fantasy. I knew all along. The head cheerleader and the loser were never meant to cross path. We did, we defy gravity and it pulls us apart. Rip up my heart and soul as revenge. I knew all along. At least I can say I've experience love when I die. I knew all along, but I went along with it anyway.

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><p><strong>Horrible grammar right? i know, i know... well, thx for reading, i'll be nice if u review, but i'm sure u have better things to do. thx for reading tho!<strong>


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